(words you can not has!) 

 

 

My First Experience with Fine French Cuisine, Suomi Style (2007)

While I browsed through the foreign menu, doing my best to interpret the descriptions of the dishes, I noticed the prices more than the food itself. At least 50 euros for a meal. “I better take advantage of this situation,” I thought secretly to myself. My mail-order friend and I were quick to realize that it’s to hard to mix and match separate courses, so we went with one of the pre-determined menus. I’m not entirely sure what it was called, but I think it roughly translated to “The most extremely extravagant meal you have ever tasted.”We had some time before our food arrived so we explored the many instruments of food consumption laid delicately around us. Of course there were knives and forks of various sizes for every anticipated course, as well as various spoons, one with an elegantly curved chip in it. One of the knives curved upwards at the tip of the blade and split into two points like the tongue of a polished silver snake. The odd knife was to butter the assortment of fresh bread brought to us by the basket full. But unlike the average family restaurant, we weren’t allowed to keep the bread basket. Instead we had to take what we desired at that moment, then when we would finish, a silent bread elf in a spotless apron would sneak up behind us to offer us more. Our first real course of the meal was the soup course. It was a creamy mushroom soup, unlike any I’d ever eaten from a can. I counted at least 7 different species of mushrooms I had never eaten before. There were wide rippled ones, some that were in little clusters, and some that didn’t even look like mushrooms . For this course I got to use my special soup spoon, which was far too large for my mouth. I tried to stay as poised as possible, but it’s difficult to be polite when you’re given a shovel to eat with. Next we had appetizers coming. However before being served, our utensils had to be adjusted. The silent utensil elves snuck up and preformed what seemed like the pointless task of removing, replacing, adding and shifting all of our eating tools. Then they brought us our next course. It was lightly smoked salmon, still bluish, balanced and twisted into a perfect pink rose. Across the plate was the “new potato salad” which consists of no more than one new potato, chopped up with fresh herbs. There was a sweet mustard sauce criss-crossed over the empty plate space. It looked like the cover of a cooking magazine sitting right there in front of me. Using the medium sized fork and knife, I dug in. Well, as far as one can dive into one new potato and a fish flower. The taste was exquisite; I’ve never tasted anything like it. After our empty plates had been cleared and our utensils adjusted once again, we began to wait eagerly for the main course. But our mid-meal chit chat was interrupted when the waitress informed us that there had been a mix up, and we would be receiving a complimentary cheese course while we waited for our main dishes. The bread and utensil elves brought us each our own little plate with our own little chunk of cheese, after we had each given a set of cheese course utensils of course. We shared our free cheeses around the table and for the most part they were delicious, although there was one that actually did smell and taste like I image half decomposed feet would.   Finally, after our cheese had been swept out from under us, we were served the much awaited main course. And yes, our eating tools were rearranged first. I had ordered the roast duck, atop a bed of cooked vegetables, surrounded by whole figs and covered in a thick, tangy sauce. It truly was like nothing I had ever tasted before. For this course I got to use the biggest knife and fork, as well as the odd chipped spoon, which as it turns out is a sauce spoon. The duck was melt-in-your-mouth tender and more flavorful than beef or chicken. The figs were gooey and sweet, and my favorite part. All together, it was quite an amazing combination of flavors and textures mingling together in my mouth. All that was left was dessert. We were down to only one fork and one knife. The table looked naked without its cluttered silver armor. Our final course was a rhubarb cake-pie served with whipped cream and a fresh strawberry salad. The strawberry salad being much like its predecessor, the potato salad, consisted of only one strawberry. Unfortunately, this was the only course that disappointed me, perhaps because the ingredients weren’t exotic or shaped like flowers, perhaps because I naturally have very high expectations for desserts, or perhaps simply because it would be my final taste of this luxurious meal.

The Future Messiah and the Washed Up Celebrity (2005) This is a foggy subject, there’s plenty of mystery surrounding it. Are they black? Are they white? Did his sister have a baby and not tell anyone? Is his dad really all that great? The king of pop may not seem like a saint at first glance. In fact most people are pretty freaked out by Michael Jackson and his ever changing nose. In the midst of all his latest public fiascos and musical disappointments, many people have forgotten about all the great things he accomplished not so long ago. I’m not saying he’s our savoir or anything, I’m simply pointing out that there are many similarities between Michael Jackson and Jesus.     You’re probably thinking, “This is crazy”, Jesus was a respectable religious figure who died 2005 years ago, and MJ is an over rated, child molesting pop star from the 80’s. Well stop thinking about them as you know them now and think about the basic facts. After all, they both have the same long term goal, boost sales. All of Michael Jackson’s life he’s been trying to sell records, and he’s done a pretty good job of it too. He’s sold hundreds of millions of records world wide. Michaels been in the public eye since he was a little boy, singing in the Jackson family band and over the years he’s collected a huge fan base of diehard Michael Jackson fans. The only point of having fans is for them to buy things; records, merchandise, and whatever trends or fads Michael starts that his fans jump on like a mob of fat kids in a smarty factory. Everybody’s best friend Jesus knows all too much about being born into fame and spending his entire life starting trends. Being birthed by a virgin has got to draw some attention, and then calling himself the son of God, that’s definitely a sure fire way to get some time in the spot light. While Jesus was alive I don’t think he had quite as many fans as Michael does, but in the end he started a whole religion, if that’s not the ultimate fad then I don’t know what it. Jesus even causes wars to this very day. Unlike Michael, Jesus doesn’t sell records, instead he sells biographies. You may have heard of it, it’s called the New Testament. He also sells little statues of himself nailed to a cross and things like that. One of his more difficult sales is that of the illusory beliefs and common sense ideas. So when it all comes down to it, both Michael Jackson and Jesus have both mastered the art of selling themselves. Don’t get me wrong; money isn’t the only thing Jesus and Michael care about. You might be interested to know that they also care about people and the world in general. Michael Jackson helps out any one he can, especially children. He used to frequently invite under privileged children over to his Neverland Ranch to play at his theme park and personal petting zoo. Charity isn’t the only way to help people, and Michael knows that. Through his music and words he’s inspired millions of people all over the world to express themselves and lend a hand to those in need. His songs share messages of non-discrimination and love, but most importantly they motivate people to get up and dance. Jesus was preaching a lot of the same messages when he arrived on the scene back in his time. However, Jesus was really the pioneer of the love thy neighbor way of thinking and for him it was a lot harder to be accepted and to attract people who would willingly listen to him. Eventually his followers started enlightening people to Jesus’ original beliefs through song, using hymns. So in their own ways, Michael Jackson and Jesus both spent their lives helping people and spreading their values of love and peace through music.      When people start speaking their minds and advocating new ideas, there are always people who don’t agree and act against what’s being preached. Jesus was prosecuted by being nailed to a cross and left to die for what he was saying and doing. But since then his way of thinking has been accepted by pretty much everyone in our society, except the God parts, just the, “be nice” and “don’t sin parts”, well not really the “be nice” and “don’t sin” parts either…People never thought of Michaels beliefs as being new and peculiar until they decided he had become a danger to their children. He’s always been a bit of an eccentric and he probably did go a little too far with the plastic surgery, but you can’t accuse someone of molesting children just because they own a lot of toys and say things like “It’s the greatest gift to share you bed with a child.” Just like Jesus was, Michael Jackson has been publicly shamed and rejected. The courts have never proved Michael Jackson to be guilty of anything strong enough to put him in prison and yet no one seems to believe in his innocence, except of course his faithful fans who will follow him obediently into the dark nether regions of the legal system. I’ve never seen any evidence of Jesus doing anything to balance out the murder done upon him, and look where he is now! Jesus’ supporters stuck with him even after he was hung at the cross for being himself and telling people what he believed to be the truth. What’s to stop all of Michaels fans from sticking with him through all the molestation accusations and pajama day court dates? They were both crucified for being socially unacceptable weirdoes. Who’s really being unacceptable here? The people who aren’t afraid to be themselves or the people who can’t even comprehend an opinion or way of life that’s different than their own?      As far as I can see, there are many similarities between Michael Jackson and Jesus, there’s even a few I forgot to mention, like their mutual love of wine for example. When it comes down to it I think it’s fair to say that both MJ and Master G-sus are both economic master minds with huge cults of followers promoting their believes and values at any chance they get. And even though they both really care about people, they’ve been disgraced and dishonored by the authorities and the public. In the end though, Jesus wasn’t hurt by the spikes driven into is appendages, and thousands of years after his death he is as strong an influence as ever. So who really knows what the future holds for Michael Jackson.   Carrie. P.SI don’t mean to offend anyone. I’m just voicing some observations I’ve made.